NEW POST: Married Sports Mascots: An Investigation

There are more than you think! Not that many, but more than you think!

https://joebush.net/2022/12/13/married-sports-mascots-an-investigation/

Is that a small or a large number of married mascot couples? That really is the key question here. I suppose the existence of any at all is more than one might expect, but once you accept that we live in a world with married mascot couples, the possibilities would seem endless.

My main takeaways from this piece are:

1 - There is a surprising amount of lore surrounding sports mascots, and college mascots in particular.

2 - There are just not many female professional sports mascots. I would have thought that women’s professional leagues like the WNBA and NWSL would have more than about one each, but that’s proven not to be the case. Is that interesting? I don’t know. That’s up for you to decide. I do see potential out of our nation’s capital, though:

In DC, there are two teams desperately in need of wins, both in the PR sense and in the actual soccer sense. Both finished at or near the bottom their respective leagues in 2022, the Spirit 11th of 12 teams and United 28th of 28 teams. The Spirit underwent a lengthy and controversy-ridden ownership change which only came to its conclusion in 2022. United held on to an unsuccessful manager for too long and replaced him in a controversial process with a controversial figure in Wayne Rooney. Though both teams started as parts of the same entity, they’ve been disconnected for a decade now, playing in different parts of their shared region up until last season.

The two clubs should work together to establish a positive identity for their future in the DMV. Though they don’t have what Portland, Houston, and Orlando have in shared infrastructure, they need to become at the very least non-apathetic towards one another. What’s one symbolic manner in which the two clubs can show the fans that they’re connected?

That’s right: Mascot Wedding. Bring Penelope Kix and Talon, both of whom are fuzzy bipedal Eagles who love soccer, together. Sometime in the early summer, schedule a Sunday double-header at Audi Field — Spirit versus Gotham, United versus the Red Bulls. In the time between the two matches, have the two Eagles proceed out to midfield: P.K. accompanied by Slapshot, the Capitals’ mascot, Talon accompanied by Screech, the Nationals mascot. Have somebody officiate it - maybe G-Wiz or the Georgetown Hoya or Testudo or the Thomas Jefferson mascot from the Nationals’ president races or the George Washington mascot either from the Nationals’ president races or George Washington University, maybe get Biden out there, I don’t know, just make it happen.