NEW POST - Kansas Football: They’ve Done It Again. Again! #kufball
It's never that easy, though, is it?
https://joebush.net/2021/11/16/kansas-football-theyve-done-it-again-again/
It doesn’t make sense. It’s irrational. I can’t make it sensible to somebody who isn’t willing to accept that it’s important. I know that I would go through so much less unnecessary anguish if I were to have given up on this. I’m glad that I never let it stop tearing me apart, because that was just such a good feeling.
I am going to get needlessly heavy after this line, you do not need to read this next part if you don’t want.
I definitely over parallelize everything. I definitely connect way too much of my own life into the things that I care about. I like it this way. I think everything’s connected. I’d rather it be that way than otherwise, at least.
I had one of the worst periods of my life during the winless 2015 season. It sort of felt right, I didn’t enjoy it, but it felt right, going to those games and watching blowout after blowout while I was this disconsolate emotional wreck. That was the case last year, too. Things were horrible last fall, and I watched every game, and they were all horrible, so it made sense. Likewise, I am not in a happy place in my life right now. This is probably the most hopeless, lonely, depressive spell I’ve experienced in a long time. So it all feels kind of right to find some pseudo-legal stream from overseas and watch this team either get stomped, or look okay and then get stomped, or have an inexplicable heartbreaking close loss to Oklahoma every weekend.
I had no reason, no solid evidence, to believe this game was going to happen. I had no way of making it happen. But, it happened. If I’d given up, if I’d stopped caring about this, it wouldn’t have meant as much. This absolutely baseless faith that something good might happen in the future, that life might be worth living again, is one of the only things keeping me going right now. It feels irrational to think that a moment like last Saturday night will ever be on the horizon for me, but it felt irrational to think that last Saturday night would happen at all, and it happened, and I’m going to keep at it until it does. I have to.